The Titans Trade pt. 5

The next day, in the evening, a knocking on Raven's door resounded, pulling her out of the meditation. She sensed anxiousness and curiosity from the person.

"Yes?"

"Raven, do you have a minute?" came Aqualad's seemingly calm voice. She noticed he was much better in hiding his nervousness than Beast Boy. Aqualad was better in hiding his emotions in general, he wasn't as expressive as Gar, making him hard to read at times. Sometimes to the point of making Raven feel slightly frustrated with him. But for now, his nerves must've been too much to handle for him. She knew the talk was to be expected, but that didn't mean she felt ready for it. On the other hand, she may never be ready. With a heavy sigh she spoke.

"Come in."

The door opened and closed behind the handsome Titan. Raven watched him from her lotus position on the bed. His eyebrows were knitted together as if he was in deep thought.

"I suppose you wanted to talk about Beast Boy?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. Aqualad nodded.

"Yes. But if you don't want to I can come back later..." This again, he was always careful about getting her out of her comfort zone. So absolutely not like Beast Boy. He cut off, seeing her shake her head.

"That's fine, we can talk now" Raven lied skillfully. Next she patted the space beside her, inviting Aqualad to sit down. After he did, they both gathered their thoughts in uncomfortable silence. She wondered if she should begin or would he rather asking details? It would be easier for her, providing that he wouldn't ask too personal questions. Then again, the whole thing was personal...

"Why didn't you tell me it was him who comforted you after Malchior?"

Ah, questions then. That's fine. Raven shrugged her shoulders.
"I didn't think it was a significant information."

"Why not? It speaks volumes about your relationship with him." That caught her attention, making her look up and into his dark eyes.

"What volumes? What relationship?" she asked with a scoff. "It was a long time ago and he didn't respect the space I needed like others did."

"You didn't need the space if his action actually helped you." It didn't exactly sound like an accusation, but it certainly felt this way. It left her speechless. Aqualad continued. "Maybe he just wanted to make you feel better, no matter if you thought you needed it or not. And because it was a long time ago, it shows just for how long he's been harbouring feelings for you."

"He's not harbouring any feelings for me" she denied a little too quickly. "He's just teasing me, being the jokester he is. He doesn't mean it."

Aqualad rolled his eyes. "Who are you trying to kid, Raven? His feelings are obvious, why are you denying it?"

She lowered her gaze to her palms again, her leg bouncing nervously.

"Raven, if you love him, just tell me."

Her head raised definitely too quickly. Something snapped in her neck and it hurt like hell, but she didn't let him see anything was different.
"I don't love him" she lied in a firm tone. "But I can't do anything about his so called feelings towards me."

Aqualad hummed in agreement. "And what did he mean by 'embracing his inner beast'?"

Raven massaged her temple, trying to think of an answer. She finally sighed, giving up. "I really don't know. We had that fight with a villain once, Beast Boy fought him, fell into some chemicals and they both transformed into..."

"The beasts?" Aqualad prompted.

"I'm not sure how to call that. It was kind of like a werewolf or something of the sorts."

"Okay?" he drawled, not sure if he was intrigued or scared. And it was hard to determine Raven's opinion on the beast.

"Either way, Beast Boy and I had a fight that night, but I suppose that was because of the chemicals and he was really edgy then, as if some freaking alpha male instinct was trigered in him, then Adonis attacked the tower, and I bumped into him, and Beast Boy..."

She was talking so fast now, he barely understood all the words. He got lost quickly. "Wait, Adonis?"

"That villain who hit on me in the earlier fight..." Raven explained, disregarding it with a wave of her hand. Aqualad's eyes though, opened wide.

"He hit on you?"

"Did I forget to mention that?" she furrowed her brow, truly perplexed.

"And after that Beast Boy acted and attacked the guy?" he asked, already seeing huge potential in the action.

"Possible, but I can't remember. Why?"

He debated the idea of telling her, but decided against it. He'd talk to the higher instance later. He knew if he mentioned his theory to her now, she'd get mad at him. And that was something he did not want.

"No reason." By the look on her face he knew she sensed the lie, but didn't call him out on it. Or rather he asked a question, successfully turning her attention to the memories again, to prevent her from doing so. "You were saying the villain attacked?"

"Yes, and I got injured badly, but before Adonis could end me Beast Boy stepped in, in that same werewolf-like form, I guess he wasn't even conscious then..." That speed talking again. And to match her emotions, a book lying on her nightstand opened and leafed through, as if to portray the rush of her speech. They glanced at the book simultaneously, but quickly chose to ignore it coming back to their lively conversation.

"So he saved you subconsciously, even though you guys had a fight just few hours earlier?" Aqualad gave her a significant look, having a feeling she already had some idea about his theory on Beast boy's feelings for her. Raven merely rolled her eyes at him as if to say 'here you go again'.

"That doesn't prove anything" she told him.

"Oh, I think it does."

"Garth!"

"Raven!" he mocked, then continued. "Why do you insist so much on ignoring the guy?"

"Because; I don't need an immature man."

Aqualad's eyes bore into her soul. Or maybe to her head? Her brain began to hurt.

"Do you really think about him like that?" Aqualad asked.

"Why would I lie, Garth?" Raven askd rolling her eyes.

"No, I mean, do you actually think he's that immature?"

Raven frowned slightly and pondered on the question. Why does he even ask that? Of course Beast Boy is immature. Why would Aqualad think he may not be? Besides, it didn't seem as important as Aqualad portrayed it.

"Why are you asking?" she asked him, still frowning.

"Because I think you underestimate him, Raven."

"That's something a Bae fan would say" she noted. That sole fact made her nervous. Did he want to break things off?

Aqualad chucked lowly. "I like you a lot, Raven" he began, putting his hand on her palm and intertwining their fingers together. "I may even risk saying I'm falling for you. But I'm willing to step aside, if you have the chance to be happier with someone else."

Translation, I don't like you that much to fight for you, Raven's thoughts hit her like a truck. All the romantic novels lie.

"At least for now I feel like I could give you away without killing someone" he continued. "Because if we're doing this for real, I'm probably going to fall real hard." His nervous chuckle made her mind relax a little, because that meant he was just scared of getting hurt. Maybe he's just cautious and reasonable.

"I understand" she told him, squeezing his hand gently.

"This being said, I want to ask you one more thing." The wave of seriousness, nervousness and anxiety washed over her, and she did not know what to expect. The emotions kept the air in her lungs, making her feel like she's about to suffocate. "Do you have any sort of feelings towards Beast Boy?"

And what now, tell him the truth? He'll step aside. And Beast Boy isn't any match for me. Never was, never will be. The opposites attract is a myth. If you have only half of an orange and you're searching a match for it, you're not going to match it with a half of an apple, right?

Then another voice in her head spoke: No, but a glove can fit the hand...

Raven chewed her lower lip unconsciously, with her brow furrowed and staring into Aqualad's eyes as intensely as he was watching her. Finally she batted her lashes and regained her straight face.

"Of course I have feelings for him." Oh, Azar, the hurt in his eyes... Raven felt his grip on her palm losen. She squeezed his hand once more and reached out her other hand to put it on his handsome face in order to make him look at her again. "But it doesn't go beyond friendship."

Liar! Raven did her best to ignore that self-accusation.

The spark in his dark eyes lit up again.
"Are you sure?" Raven nodded. "Then why does he know you so well? How come he feels so strongly for you? How did that happen? You two have to be close, am I right? Meanwhile I hear from Cyborg that you guys have a weird relationship, and once you hate each other, then another day everything's fine. And on the Q&A videos I see you guys flirt. Can you please explain it to me?"

Wow, that was one hell of a jealousy wave from his aura. Although there was no indication of accusation in his tone, she sensed he was confused, angry and felt helpless. Raven didn't blame him, it really did not look well from his point of view. And knowing Aqualad (as much as she could say she actually knew him), he was probably just trying to find out his position, checking the ground he was standing on. But it made her uncomfortable still. Despite that, she knew he deserved some explanation.
Being the nervous wreck that she was, she swallowed the ever growing lump in her throat and pushed the hair behind her ear.

"Well, it is kind of complicated" she admitted. "We started off as just two kids bickering. We fought almost everyday, couldn't agree on anything. He annoyed me to no end. Then some events brought us closer, then we began growing up. We talked, shared a few things with one another, exchanged points of view..."

"And he fell for you" Aqualad stated.

"Apparently, yes" she shrugged, watching his reactions intensely and keeping track of his emotions.

"But you didn't fall for him?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I thought that our relationship was improving, that's all. I don't find him suitable."

"Why not?"

Yeah, why not?

Raven groaned with an eyeroll and began to count on her fingers. "Because he's messy, crude, crass, a slob, doesn't respect my boundaries."

Also the conversations with him can be both challenging and interesting, because he has a different point of view. He makes en effort to know you better, he's concerned about your well-being and he takes interest in your hobbies even if they may put him off a little. He makes you open up, smile and laugh. He compliments you a lot and makes you feel good about yourself. He generally makes you giddy and happier just thinking about him. Oh, don't forget you not only dream about him at night, but daydream also. And...

Oh, just shut up! "Next, he's irresponsible and reckless. Doesn't share my interests, doesn't understand me..."

"Well, yesterday he said something different" Aqualad noted.

"He says many things." She may have said it a little too harshly. It left them both sitting in an uncomfortable silence. She chewed on the inside of her cheek nervously, but stopped immediately once she felt his thumb rub against her palm gently.

"So you're saying I seem more suitable than Beast Boy?" Uncertainity, hope, desire, that's what she sensed from him. He seemed so insecure.

Raven smiled that Mona Lisa smile and spoke to him gently. "Well, I'm here, trying my first real romantic relationship ever with you, not with him."

Aqualad felt his brain turn into a mush under her gaze. The indigo of her irises was magical and made him think of one and only thing, to make her his. He nodded his head. He still thought of Beast Boy as a potential rival in the competition to her heart. But maybe they had equal chances. He wasn't naive enough to believe her, he saw what was going on. But he wanted her and he'd try to get her.

Hope, insecurity, desire, attraction, infatuation. Those are the things his aura was full of. He stared at her with such intensity she felt her lids just want to close, so instead she batted her lashes. And he found it adorable when she did that. He reached his arm and pushed the lock of her hair back behind her ear. His hand tangled somewhere in her black hair, he leaned to her slightly. Raven prepared herself mentally for the incoming kiss... but instead heard him ask.
"Can I kiss you?"

Raven opened her eyes wider and sighed at her own stupidity. "Garth, I know what I said about warning me before you do anything to me, but it's another time in a row, it ruins all the mood and..."

The real kiss, which she did not see coming, cut her off. Just as the few other times, his lips were soft and smooth. He tasted fresh, like mint and lemon. His left hand remained tangled in her hair while the other rested on her waist. He wasn't forceful, seemed rather subtle. He gently deepened the kiss with his tongue. She felt the blood rush to her face with the speed of light. Also, she had no idea what to do with her hands. Should she put them behind his neck, or should she cup his face? Maybe just stay on his chest, like now? But that seemed so awkward, how do people kiss on those movies? Why hasn't she payed attention to the positions? Was her breath okay? Did she open her mouth wide enough? Or maybe too widely? How exactly should she move her tongue? Were those questions to haunt her by the occassion of every single kiss from now on?

Aqualad broke the kiss, his lips still brushing hers as he whispered in a husky voice. "I told you."

"Told me what?" she whispered back, her head light and heavy at the same time.

"That questions ruin the mood." He kissed her again.

A warm wave of delight and happiness mixed with arousal rushed through her mind. That meant he must've felt content, right? Maybe she could focus on his emotions and feed on them just a little? Not that the kiss wasn't pleasant for her, it was just that so many thoughts were assaulting her mind now and she couldn't focus on the pleasure of it. She mentally reached out to his aura. The book on her nightstand flipped through the pages again and closed loudly, making her flinch and let out a soft and quiet sound that she sensed, Aqualad just loved. He didn't let her move away, instead sliding his hand up her spine and efficiently pulling her closer. Her soft breasts smashed into his chest and he couldn't stifle a small, guttural moan. Raven shyly pushed her one arm up his chest, through his collar bone and to his nape. There she pulled a single strand of his long hair and began unconsciously twirling it on her index finger, sending pleasant goosebumps all over his body. In response he drew little circles on her back, making her press her chest to his even more.
Dizziness and butterflies, that's what the kiss was doing to her. And heat. Dear Azar, was it suddenly extremely hot in the room. Raven felt her whole body was going limp and the more it did, the more she was leaning into him. She felt safe and taken care of in Aqualad's arms. He was warm and gentle, and he successfully avoided strong squashing of her tiny body and gripping any parts of her. She was glad he focused mainly on her back, waist and hair. He occassionally rubbed her cheek with his thumb, which felt nice. Raven felt kind of proud of herself, because making out was such a proximity with another person, and still all that happened was a book closing itself. And there were so many feelings and sensations coursing through her mind and body. There was warmth, pleasure, arousal... Yes, she couldn't deny she was aroused. She was making out with Aqualad for crying out loud! She even found she had the urge to moan a few times, but stifled it into a sigh only because she felt it would be awkward to moan from just a kiss. Also, she was excited to the point of actually considering asking Aqualad to touch her in some less appropriate places, but decided against it. She didn't want to overdo it with new things. And then there were his emotions. It was all so warm and thick it made her dizzy and she thought she might pass out from all the sensations.
So far, so good. The only thing that her powers moved was the book...

A loud thud made her jump away from Aqualad with a surprised gasp. The said book found its way from the night stand straight under the opposite wall. Azar damn it, it took just one random thought about a book and her powers act on it. Good thing nothing exploded, that would be a real reason to be ashamed.
Raven felt Aqualad's fingers push her black hair behind her ear. It was something he did often, she noticed, and the action always made her look into his dark eyes.
"You okay?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just got overly excited..."

"Mm, you're saying?" he send her a significant look. She merely glanced downwards and saw his pants struggling to keep it together. She instantly turned her head away, embarrassed to no end and even redder on the face than merely seconds ago. Her reaction made him chuckle. "You're so cute when you're flustered."

"Careful with that, I can send you to hell in no time."

Aqualad smirked. "Did anyone ever tell you you're adorable when you make such threats?"

Yes. "No. Why would threats be adorable?"

"Because they come out of the tiny girl like you."

"I know I'm short, no reason to rub it in" she said sarcastically making him laugh out loud.

"There's nothing wrong with being short. In fact tall women can be intimidating."

She instantly looked back at him. "That's interesting. Why?"

"'Cause they seem like they can take care of themselves. Short women seem to need the man's care. And we like to feel needed."

Raven pondered. Was she in fact needy? Did she want a protector? She could take care of herself, right?

"Well" Aqualad's voice pulled her out of her musings. From the corner of her eye she noted his pants fortunately came back to their previous shape. "I should get going. It's kinda late." Raven glanced at the clock on the wall. It was indeed past bedtime. When did the time fly, and why so fast? Make out sessions surely shorten the day efficiently.

"Alright, see you tomorrow then" she said meekly. He gave her a gentle kiss on the lips and twirled a strand of her hair once before walking away with a soft 'good night'.

Raven's heart fluttered like a caged humming bird.
Once Aqualad stepped into his room, he called Robin. Raven was a bad liar, at least as far as it was about her feelings. She may have been good at keeping her face straight, but her eyes always betrayed her. And as much as Garth wanted to believe her, he just had a feeling Raven was merely trying to convince herself she couldn't be with Beast Boy. Either way, he may end up heartbroken.

The signal stopped, and Aqualad finally saw the face he wanted to see.

"Aqualad, is there an emergency?"

The Atlantean smirked at the boy's antics. "No, Robin. I'm calling to ask you a favor."

"What favor?" Robin repeated baffled. "Sure, how can I help?" His tone and body visibly relaxed.

"Could you send me full reports on the night when Beast Boy and that villain turned into the beasts?"

Robin frowned. "I see you talked to Raven." Aqualad merely nodded his eyes as serious as Robin's under his mask. "I heard how your challenge with Beast Boy went. He was pretty upset."

"So was Raven. Listen, about the reports..."

"They're not gonna help you" Robin's statement cut him off. Aqualad frowned.

"Why not?"

"We all already read them a thousand times to search out any clue about their feelings toward one another" Robin explained calmly. "Starfire even made it a habit of re-reading them weekly. But it's pointless, Beast Boy omitted anything related to emotional sphere, something unlike him. And Raven was oblivious at the time, so there's nothing there."

Garth felt his teeth greet and his fist clench. "Even if that's true, I'd like to read them still."

Robin nodded with understanding. "I thought so. I'll send them to you right away." His movements showed he was in the process to fulfill his words.

"Can you think of any other reports that might be helpful?"

Robin shook his head. "Right now I'm blank. I'll ask Star and if she thinks of any, I'll be sure to send them to you."

"I'd appreciate it."

"Why do you want them anyways?"

Robin's question echoed in Garth's head. Why do you want them anyways? To find out she lied to you and you're just a tool to make her forget him? Why do you need them, to break your heart sooner?

"I want to find the information Raven isn't telling me" he finally said, ignoring the vile, ringing voice in his head. "I want to know how close they are, to know what are my chances for real."

"What if you actually find something that's not in your favor?"

Aqualad sighed. "I don't know."

Robin stared at him for a long, silent moment before speaking with concern. "Remember Raven's more sensitive than she lets on. I know there's a lot of risk for you too, but..." he sighed heavily. "Please don't break her."

Her?! What about you?! The girl's most probably using you and he's got the guts to ask you not to break her?! You should smash her! Stomp on her heart before she does it to yours! Do her, then leave her, change like a dirty cloth!

But she really is fragile... And I don't want her to hurt. I want her to be happy.

Aqualad swallowed the lump in his throat along with the terrible thoughts. "I'll keep it in mind."

Robin looked at him worried. "Look, I know Raven can be difficult. She's new to all that relationship stuff."

Aqualad smirked. "Look who's talking, you were new to this yourself, not too long ago." Seeing Robin's throbing vein Garth's smirk turned into a grin.

"What I meant was, it may be tough to be with her. And I don't want neither of you to be hurt, so..."

Now the Atlantean scoffed amused. "Are you mothering me?" Robin's mask widened, showing he was shocked. His cheeks stained red. "On Poseidon's trident, you really are the mother hen of all Titans, aren't you?"

"Okay, I'm done listening to Starfire from now on" Robin muttered flustered. He began pretending Starfire's voice ineptly. "'Be more outgoing. Show your friends you care about them.'" He scoffed. "What a bull."

Aqualad laughed sincerely. "Girls make us so soft, am I right?"

"They're at the advantage! They have eyes and boobs and you can't negotiate with those!" Robin complained.

"Yeah, especially when those eyes bat their lashes at you and the boobs are all out because of the cleavage, and then they blush...!"

Robin groaned. "Don't even start! It's disarming!"

"I know!"

They both sighed simultaneously. Robin then glanced back up at Aqualad.

"So you're saying Raven batted her lashes at you?"

"I'm not sure if she does that on purpose, but yes. Yes, she have. And I'm telling you, her lashes are so long she could braid them."

Robin chuckled at that. "I know, it's insane." A knocking to Robin's door resounded. "Gotta go, someone's at my door. I promise I'll look into what you asked for."

Aqualad nodded. "Thanks."

"Anytime" Robin answered with a friendly grin and hung up.

Raven had to reluctantly agree with that. He did make her feel and do all those things. But Aqualad did that too, and it scared her. It made her feel like she cheated. Starfire's next question pulled her out if her musings and cut the silence on Raven's side.

"And what does it look like with friend Aqualad?"

"W-what do you mean?" Raven stuttered. It was becoming a habit of hers, and a pretty decent nightmare.

"Does friend Aqualad make you feel something?" Raven pondered the question, taking another long silent moment and making her Tamaranean friend impatient. "Anything?"

"I think so..." Raven began reluctantly. "I'm not sure, it all confuses me." She began massaging her temple with her free hand and lied down on her bed.

"Then what does he make you feel, friend?" Starfire prompted gently.

"I don't know... Butterflies?" Hesitation was evident in Raven's tone. "But I get those with Beast Boy, too, so I'm not sure if it counts." With horror in her mind she noted she just openly admitted she had experienced the 'butterflies' from just being around Beast Boy. She recalled that scene from Game of Thrones, hearing that annoying bell and the word 'shame!' being exclaimed loudly over and over again. She shuddered.

"Of course it does, why would it not?" Star almost sounded outraged. Almost, if not for the joyful note in her voice. "What else do you feel with friend Aqualad?"

"Well..." Raven stopped to focus on her memories and feelings. "I feel fully accepted and respected. But I noticed I get clumsy a lot. And with Beast Boy, too, at times..." Starfire confirmed with a hum, while Raven kept on thinking.

"And do you feel respected and accepted by friend Beast Boy too?"

This time Raven hummed. "Yes and no. Sometimes I feel like he's trying to change me into someone who I know I'll never be. Maybe someone like Terra..."

"Some changes are good for us" Starfire noted. "And I would not think too much on friend Terra. I am convinced friend Beast Boy has gotten over her."

"So I'm overthinking it?"

"Indeed. I know for sure Beast Boy is fully oriented on you only."

"What about those girls he's banging?" Anger was evident in Raven's voice, something she wasn't able to control. Star ignored it. Anger was always the most expressed emotion by her friend, and she was used to it. Besides, she would be mad herself in such a case.

"I asked him the exact question, he told me 'it comes with the job'. So I think he only does it to befriend Speedy more."

"Star, do you think there is a possibility he's just... well, you know..." Raven cleared her throat nervously and felt her face burn with the intensive blush. "Trying to..."

"Compensate for your absence and rejection?" the Tamaranean princess hinted, leaving Raven with just an affirmative hum. "Well, is it possible you are just too stubborn to admit your obvious feelings towards friend Beast Boy and would rather try a romantic relationship with friend Aqualad instead?"

Now, this made Raven frown. "Are you saying I'm using Aqualad?"

"Well, it seems so, from my point of the view" Starfire replied sincerely.

After a moment of silence, Raven sighed in defeat. "It may just be the truth. On the other hand, I really like him."

"Like him in what way?"

"Well, you know..." She blushed again. "He's attractive, a gentleman, reasonable and stable. At least he seems so. And he just... I don't know, he kind of gets me in a way."

"And friend Beast Boy does not?"

"Well..." Raven cut off to think about it. "We are similar in some ways" she admitted hesitantly. "And he does understand me in aspects I never imagined he would but he's so..."

"Different in dealing with the darkness he is carrying."

Starfire's words left her astonished. And suspicious. "True. Were you talking to him?"

She could almost hear the grin growing on Starfire's lips. "Well, with friend Cyborg being busy with the girl who is not his girlfriend, friend Beast Boy would rather discuss his love life with me than Robin. Although I know he's been also talking with friend Speedy. They are getting pretty close to one another."

"I hope Gar stays professional" Raven said.

"We all do" Starfire agreed. "But it is a delicate matter."

"No doubt."

"But getting back to our subject" Starfire began. "You know I will support you no matter what choice you make."

"Thank you, but it doesn't really help me..."

"I cannot decide for you. But if I were you, I would make a list."

"A list?" Raven ask dumbfounded. "A list o what?"

"Pros and cons, and your feelings towards the boys."

"I'll keep that in mind" Raven said, before changing the subject. "Hey Star? How do I restore Karen's femininity?"

The princess wondered. "Hm... Maybe the two of you could make a list of things that you find feminine and then try and do them?"

"What's with you and lists?" Raven asked with a smirk.

"As I meantioned before, I am bored and lonely here..." Starfire replied with a sigh.

Raven was silent, trying to think of something to make her friend feel better. And what was better than... "We should have a girls' day out" She offered. "I mean you, Karen and I."

"Oh!" Kori's yell almost broke Raven's eardrums. "That would be glorious! I miss you so much!"

"I miss you, too" Raven confessed quietly. "Anyways, I'll talk to Bee about it tomorrow. Right now it's past bedtime..." she noted, glancing at the clock on the wall.

"Yes, we will be in touch. Have nice shlorvaks, friend."

"Good night, Star. Thanks for the talk."

"That is my pleasure, friend" Starfire replied, it was evident she was smiling. "Good night."